Well, OK…as long as you’re sure…how’s Dad doing? Yeah, I know…what did the doctor say? What do you mean, nothing? How can they not know? They’re supposed to know everything…that’s why we pay them so much, for God’s sake!
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Hello? OH…hi, Mom…how are you? Is something wrong? Why are you calling me here? If that’s Phil, I swear I’ll…aaahhh! My toe! Now who the hell could that be? She runs for the phone, dripping wet, wrapping a towel in her hair as she goes. A nice, hot shower, and then some room service and a quick rehearsal in my head, and we should be good. She wraps her imported silk robe around her and walks to the bathroom. Wow…it’s amazing some people actually make it through the day alive…she says to herself, as she continues to get undressed. Listen…I’ve gotta go…it’s almost 10 o’clock, and I still have a hundred things to do that you people should have had done before I got here.Īlright…just have it here by 7, OK? I’ll deal with the rest of it when I get back…My flight leaves here at 1pm, so check with the airline and make sure there’s a car at the airport when I land…and don’t forget to use the good limo company…the car you sent last time smelled like hooker threw up in it after she smoked a cigar. She kicks her 3-inch heels across the room and reaches for a bottle of water from the mini-bar. Well then Phil can come up here and do the presentation…but maybe he should wait until he can shave without cutting himself, because these guys would eat him alive. Phil can kiss my ass…not that he hasn’t been doing it for 6 months anyway…Phil isn’t the one with his reputation on the line…I am. I need it to be finished and I need it to be perfect and I need it delivered to my room by 7am. I don’t care what Phil said…this is what I say…I need it by tomorrow morning. Oh, don’t be silly…they can’t be that bad…. OK…just watch your back…if you’re not back in 10 minutes, I’ll call the cops. I don’t think you’re in the proper state of mind to be in the company of children anymore anyway. Maybe I better go walk the halls again…you finish up in there, and relax a bit. Use mine…I don’t want to root through your bag.
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They’re the spawn of Satan, I tell you…there is nothing about these kids that is normal…how did I get talked into this chaperoning thing anyway? Hand me that shampoo, would you? I haven’t even finished unpacking my bag yet…if I don’t get this out of my hair quick, it’ll all fall out. Judy! Calm down! They’re just kids…they didn’t mean anything by it, I’m sure. Running for the shower….Jesus Christ! It is too! The little pricks don’t have whipped cream, Hillary…I think it’s hair removal stuff! Oh My God! I’ll kill them…I swear I’ll kill every last one of them…I’ll wring their little necks. What? Calm down, Judy…what is it? So they sprayed some whipped cream…they’re on a school trip…what did you expect? That they’d be in bed by 8 all tucked in in their jammies with their teddy bears? They’re 12 yrs old! Slam! Do you know what those little pricks are doing now? Where in God’s name did they get whipped cream? At least I hope it’s whipped cream…it smells kinda strong…oh Shit… Oh God.I love this picture.I can't believe there won't be any more family pictures. She knew what I was like when she married me.this is the problem with women.they always think they can change you! Well, I'm me and I'm not changing for anybody! She can kiss my ass!įront Desk? Is there anyplace around here I could buy some beer? Yeah.ok.ok.thanks. OK, so maybe I didn't do stuff exactly when she asked, but come on.we're all busy, right? I'll do it when I'm ready! I mean sure, I left my stuff around.but what's the big deal? A few dishes here and there once in a while.and I know I wasn't as bad as she says with my clothes.what if something happened and I had to get up in the night? Me.in a hotel.and her at home with the kids and the dog.it's like a god damned country song. I mean everyone makes mistakes, right? But I'm a good person. But it's just not fair.I've been a good husband, haven't I?